In a previous post I wrote about how we keep the metaphorical brakes on in our lives in ways that are unhelpful to our self-expression and our full and glorious experience of life.
In this post I will discuss four of the subversive ways those brakes show up in our lives. I’ll focus this article on the things you probably don’t notice in your day to day life. We tend to notice our fears and self-criticisms, so those are for another day. Luckily, taking a look at the following four things will make your life flow much more easily so those fears and doubts become easier to manage.
These four subversive brakes are:
1. Tolerations
2. Disincliners
3. Ego defences
4. Excuses
Let’s take a closer look at each.
Tolerations
Tolerations are all the things in your life that you are currently putting up with that you really don’t need to. They create unnecessary drag in your life and suck your energy and time.
It’s the way you let yourself check Facebook or Instagram or other notifications all the time when you know it doesn’t make you feel good and scatters your focus.
It’s your acceptance of a cluttered kitchen pantry where mismatched Tupperware falls out every time you put something into it.
It’s the leaky tap in your bathroom.
It’s never remembering your passwords or using a password manager and having to spend time reseting them.
It’s a work colleague who makes mean jokes at your expense or who does sloppy work knowing you will fix it for them and not complain.
It’s the friend who calls or meets with you to complain for hours and never does anything to change their situation despite your encouragements.
All these things are sucking your energy, joy and time in very subtle ways.
That is energy and time you could be putting into your art, into your creative work, into spending time with more positive people, into having more enjoyment of your time here on earth.
Fortunately, tolerations are easy to start changing and it can be quite fun to work on getting rid of them.
Step 1. Make a list of all the things in your life that you are currently tolerating.
You may like to divide it into categories for further clarity such as home, finances, work, relationships, personal habits, health, art studio.
Step 2. Start getting rid of or changing those things.
You may like to start with the easiest thing – perhaps there’s an accumulated clump of hair in your hairbrush that’s been subtly annoying you for ages. Taking care of this will give you an instant sense of accomplishment and perhaps relief that you finally took care of something that was ‘itching’ at you.
OR
You may like to start with the biggest things that will have the most positive impact such as finding a new job where your boss doesn’t treat you like rubbish or switching to part time.
Taking massive action is energising and exciting!
As always, I suggest you prioritise your creative work first and then sort out your tolerations. Not the other way around. At minimum, do 10 minutes of your creative work and then spend 10 minutes freeing your life of distractions knowing that by doing so you are freeing up more time and energy for yourself.
Further Reading: The Portable Coach by Thomas Leonard (tolerations chapter)
Disincliners
Disincliners are the little things that aren’t dramatic inhibitors but make you subtly less likely to get to your work. They are the things that make you disinclined to sit down and do the work itself. They are the things that encourage you to choose comfort over growth.
The difference between a toleration and a disincliner is that a disincliner directly gets in the way of your creative work whereas a toleration is a more subtle life energy suck.
Examples:
Your materials aren’t well organised, need cleaning or sorting before you can start. This includes your computer files.
Your housemate/lover/child is doing something ‘more interesting’ like watching Netflix and wants you to join and you’d told yourself you’d have your studio/writing hours at that time.
You feel you can’t start until the house is clean / the finances are sorted / you’ve done X
You know it takes you a few uncomfortable minutes to get settled into your work and you feel disinclined to go through the discomfort of the messy stage of creating and seeing your own inadequacies and failings laid out before your eyes. [This is a big one!]
Disincliners are easy to overcome simply by noticing them and then choosing not to let them come between you and the passionate relationship you have, or are cultivating, with your creative work. Fix the things that can be fixed and don’t let the rest stop you.
Further Reading: Become a Creativity Coach Now: Eric Maisel
Ego-defences
Ego defences are the things you say to yourself or others that protect yourself from potential pain. Often you are not conscious that you’re doing it.
Example thoughts and statements:
“Oh I didn’t really want to do that [insert creative project here] anyway”
“I will get around to it… one day”
“It doesn’t really matter”
“I’m far too busy doing important things for other people to pay attention to my own dreams”
“People need me”
“I need to do XX before I can do XX {what I really want to do}”
“I’m working in the industry, that’s close enough to living the dream right?”
“I don’t have the talent that XX does”
“I would do it (and I’m sure I’d be successful at it)… but I don’t want to deal with Instagram/ don’t have the time/ am too busy with this thing / don’t have an MFA…”
“I’m sure if I’d tried harder I would have succeeded but I never had the commitment”
“I’m sure I could succeed if I actually tried, I just don’t care enough (I’m too busy being cool)”
How to know if this is affecting you: Pay close attention to the words you say and how you feel when you think or talk about your creative work. If you’ve let go of dreams you had when you are younger, notice if you use any of the above statements or similar. Notice if there is any emotional resistance, resentment or subtle feelings of disappointment that you’ve been covering up with busy-ness or other activities.
Dreams do change and evolve as we grow and learn what suits us better and what more is possible. However, if you have a nagging sense of discontentment or malaise that life hasn’t lived up to your expectations then you might like to shake things up a bit and bravely uncover some dreams.
It can be particularly helpful to notice how you relate to others who are successful in a field of your interest or who are trying to be. Do you get jealous? Do you discredit their successes or put it down to luck/money/circumstance? Do you discourage those who try? Do you start ranting about the economy?
How to overcome it: Awareness is the first step. Then, start taking very small steps to change your self-talk and try some small creative activities.
Ultimately: Drop the ego and be humble. You’ll get more done.
Excuses
Excuses are the things that you secretly, deep down know aren’t really inhibiters to your creative work but you conveniently let them stop you because facing your creative work makes you nervous or brings up fear.
It’s quite likely that you would get angry if somebody called you on your excuses.
Nobody likes to hear that they’ve been making excuses so let’s take a look at it from a loving perspective. Your excuses have been there to protect you from potential pain and fear. They have been serving a useful purpose. Affirm to yourself that you are now ready to take a look at your excuses, thank them for their help in taking care of you and affirm that you are now ready to let them go so that you can allow more greatness and joy into your life.
Start to notice when you are blaming external things for your lack of creative fulfilment and ask yourself, is it really true that this is getting in my way? Is there something I could do so this problem was no longer in my way? Usually, the answer is yes and you simply need to do those things in order to solve the problem. If the answer is no and the problem is real (such as chronic health problems, which really suck), how can you work around it? Is there a compromise you can make such as working with watercolours instead of large scale sculptures? It is better to create something rather than not to create at all.
Check yourself for excuse-making in the following areas:
Lack of time
Family / Partner / Friends
Fears / lack of confidence / anxiety
Health / physical limitations / energy
I’m missing this thing / studio / skill / PhD
Other people need me…
I have FOMO…
I can’t make a decision…
My job…
My money situation…
My existential crises…
The internet is full of free answers to all of these challenges, or a trip to a coach/therapist/advisor/wise friend can give you a quick shortcut.
***
Once you become aware of and start to change these four things you’ll free up more energy and time for what you really want.
Finally, be courageous in the pursuit of your creative visions! It’s worth it and it’s a fun way to live life. Overcoming your limitations is an exciting part of the journey!
What will you change today? Tell us in the comments below for extra commitment and accountability!
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